The dynamics at work that determine human behavior during relationships may often be well-concealed. However, when unveiled, a number of consistent recurring behavioral traits can be found that reflect those dynamics. That enables certain individuals having the same behavioral traits to be assigned to a group that serves as a predictor of how they will be in life.
For example, one such individual can be identified and labelled as a ‘victim.’ The victim group with which this individual would belong to are known to display certain recurring common overt behaviors in relation to their victimhood roles.
-In reflection of this, here are some of those patterns making up the victim. Are you a victim? Do you play any of these 7 victimhood roles?
-A classic victim stance. The victim frequently sees themself as someone who is not understood. This lines up with the victim’s attitude that he/she is powerless. Unable to communicate to others is an example of the victim’s state of learned-helplessness, no control…
-The “misunderstood genius” is a classic example of victimhood sentiment.
Following on from above, the victim see things ‘out there’ in respects that everyone’s out to get me. It’s never their fault, always someone else’s.
What they don’t understand is this externalization is caused by their own doing. If they changed their attitude from; “life’s unfair,” “I guess that I’m unlucky,” “people treat me badly…” to one of “life is what you make it to be, “I am responsible for my outcomes,” “if I’m kind, others will treat me well…” then they would no longer be stuck in the victim role.
In other words when you change what goes on internally, your external world realigns accordingly. In this case, from victim to non-victimhood.
Another hallmark of the victimhood role is to not take any advice. Those offering good advice to the victim or empathizing with alternative views may well find themselves getting ignored. Victims have a deep-seated resistance to being contributed to.
Following on from above, on past-life suffering; pains, traumas, rejections, let-downs and other negative reflections, a place where victims dwell much more frequently on than non-victims, the victim will retrospectively conclude that they are unworthy.
In their victimhood, they are too cynical and resigned to see things from a different perspective to unworthiness.
One sure-fire consistency with victimhood in its role-playing is the want to milk all the attention they can get. Much of this attention is sympathy-based: “Oh, dear, poor old you…” would be the hoped for response. -It’s their way of getting the metaphorical center-stage treatment. This only serves as an attempt to get special treatment. This special treatment is something they think that they’re entitled to.
Another consistency with the victimhood role is the idea that “one day” things are going to change. They have no real intention of ever doing anything to make this change, thinking that circumstances will happen whereby a change for the better will occur through external events.
For example, a hard-up single mother in her victimhood role thinks that she will meet a well-off man and be rescued. However, this never happens.
When someone constantly dwells on the “one day” things will change for the better, as per the “laws of attraction,” all they will get is the status quo of things. -Focusing one’s attention on “one day” will only attract more of the same. More “one day.”
Victims are in effect stuck in a repetitive loop. They may be stuck in their ways through past events. These events may have been painful, traumatic, highly embarrassing or a situation where the victim’s betrayal of trust may have occurred.
Whatever the circumstance, victimhood set in as a way of “coping.” Self-reinforcing habits set in. Habits such as isolation, constantly feeling sorry for one’s self, relationship problems ensue so real human interaction is then kept to a minimum. In their chronic frustration, victims cannot be really happy. They avoid taking risks so as to not get hurt… -This pattern just keeps on repeating, as if there’s no way out.
Finally
Whether it’s with you or someone else who’s the victim, the trick here is to recognize the patterns. It’s not about ignoring or invalidating past events that led one to victimhood.
There are solutions, but the victim needs to realize that they are responsible for improving their situation.
To improve their situation a list of appropriate tasks could be written down as targets to accomplish. Targets written down in a logical, progressive manner as “boxes to tick” along the way, making sure that the boundaries are healthy…
For example, a specific target could be set whereby the victim could achieve something that helps regain confidence, feeling of worth.
Get support from a close relative, or a councilor, or licensed therapist, or life coach or help group. There are plenty of useful online courses, videos or books or seminars. -Whatever it takes to take back the control of life.
Remember, it all starts with the realization that something needs to be done.